Thursday 8 October 1663

So, keeping myself warm, to the office, and at noon home to dinner, my pain coming again by breaking no wind nor having any stool. So to Mr. Holliard, and by his direction, he assuring me that it is nothing of the stone, but only my constitution being costive, and that, and cold from without, breeding and keeping the wind, I took some powder that he did give me in white wine, and sat late up, till past eleven at night, with my wife in my chamber till it had done working, which was so weakly that I could hardly tell whether it did work or no. My mayds being at this time in great dirt towards getting of all my house clean, and weary and having a great deal of work to do therein to-morrow and next day, were gone to bed before my wife and I, who also do lie in our room more like beasts than Christians, but that is only in order to having of the house shortly in a cleaner, or rather very clean condition. Some ease I had so long as this did keep my body loose, and I slept well.

12 Annotations

TerryF   Link to this

"my constitution being costive"

cos·tive, adj.
1. a. Suffering from constipation.
b. Causing constipation.
2. Slow; sluggish.
3. Stingy.

[Middle English costif, from Old French costeve, past participle of costever, to constipate, from Latin constipare; see constipate. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/costive

MissAnn   Link to this

Am I correct in believing that the scene is: Sam, Elizabeth and all the mayds in Sam's chamber whilst Sam gets the flatulence out? Charming! Surely the WorkPlace Relations Commissioner should be put on notice that this is how the Pepys treat their staff. Thankfully things have changed, especially in the colonic flushing field, which no doubt Sam would benefit from. A total review of the Pepys diet is well and truly called for, maybe an introduction of a variety of vegetables and grains, boiled water, and a little less meat, wine, ale, beer, etc. No wonder his alimentary canal is blocked so regularly.

A. Hamilton   Link to this

more beasts than Christians

I haven't got the numbers, but am willing to aver that the great majority of the world's population at that time (& subsequently) were not Christians. Another example of English exceptionalism? ("We happy few." Or as the RAF recruiter in Beyond The Fringe suggests, "There are far too many.)_

in aqua   Link to this

Miss Anne. Only Elizabeth be subject to the winds of the Leader, the Maids {how many? }be cleaning all from cellar to Bellfry , I wonder why such industry. Orders from up Hi?.

Robert Gertz   Link to this

Sam and Bess keeping vigil in Sam's study...I imagine like Sam, Bess was worried it was stone-related.

Greater love hath no woman than that she should sit up with her hubs awaiting loud confirmation that he's ok...

Of course it was also a good place to avoid the cleaning hubbub and a staff not only fatigued from the cleaning duty but hounded by that #@$%! new bell.

Robert Gertz   Link to this

Seriously it's only a short time from Bess' sudden collapse and, at least for Sam, near-death experience during their recent trip together. She probably is anxious to show her concern for him in return...

"Bess, are you quite sure about this?"

"Sam'l, it's an old cure from France. My mother did it for Papa all the time after he showed it to her. And she for him."

"But I took Mr. Hollier's powder..."

"So this will help...You have to admit it makes sense."

Hmmn...Sam looks at the bare feet playing with his bare stomach...

Lovely bare feet...

"I suppose..."

Robert Gertz   Link to this

The Mutiny on the Seething Lane...

Knock on the chamber door...

"Sir?"

"Mr. Hewer? Come in, come in." Bess nervously opens door to let Will in. Shutting hastily as a large pot comes flying against the closing door. Horrid shouts of anger from the dark hall.

"Mr. Hewer! What are those dogs of maids about now!" a fuming, somewhat bloated Sam cries from his couch of costive pain.

"Sir. The maids are demanding to be allowed to head for their beds, sir. And they..." hesitating...

"They wish to return to their beds, Mr. Hewer?! Flog the treacherous traitors still the blood runs, Hewer!! Tis the only way to deal with such scum, boy!"

"The only way..." Bess firmly nods.

"But sir...The ladies..."

"Well?!!"

"They're...Bigger than me, sir. I think they might get the whip away from me, sir."

"He's right there, Sam'l." Bess nods.

"Hewer, you worthless coward! Go below and restore order like a clerk of the Naval Office or I shall have you stripped of your post, boy!!"

"Make them mind, Will." Bess insists, more gently.

"Aye, sir...Ma'am." Will sighing, heads off out the door. Which Bess immediately closes behind.

Lord, I pray Mr. P has his damned motion soon and things simmer down, Will shakes head...Else we're all doomed.

Immediately receiving what had been the rotting remains of yesterday's supper in the chest from the direction of the stairs.

"There's for you, Will Hewer. You treacherous lap-dog. Spoke brave enough long and loud in bygone days, did you now!" a voice calls.

Will moving to get the whip out of his pocket... "Back to work you wretched creatures! Mr. Pepys will have order in his house!!"

"Breath down Mr. P's comin' great fart!!"

"Ladies! Please!! Just doin' me job here!!!"

"We're goin' to bed! And tell His Flatulence the cleanin' "so needful for a man in his position" can wait to finish tomorrow!!"

"You said it, me girl!!" another voice cries.

"To bed, girls!!" the first voice calls.

"Ladies?!!" Will brandishes the whip feebly...

"Will? Care to come on and join us?" a voice calls.

Hmmn?

(I of course stole the "get the whip away from me" from Bertrand Russell's classic remark regarding Nietzsche.)

DrCari   Link to this

Poor Sam. As modern-day physicians will attest, kidney stones can at times create discomfort mistaken for gas pains.

Xjy   Link to this

Bertrand R, Nietzsche, Robert G, and whips

"
Robert Gertz on Sun 13 Nov 2005, 3:12 am

",,,too great liberty for my family…"

Bertrand Russell once said of Nietzsche’s infamous little remark "thou goest to woman, do not forget thy whip" from Fred’s most popular book, "Thus Spoke Zarathustra". "He kept away from women. He knew a woman would get the whip away from him, so he kept away from women."
"

Another version of the quote is "… nine women out of ten would get the whip away from him, and he knew it, so he kept away from women …" (History of Western Philosophy)

tonyt   Link to this

The agony column by Virginia Ironside in today's edition of The Independent (UK)invites comment on the following dilemma:
'Dear Virginia,
Even though I am married ...,I can't stop visiting prostitutes. My wife knows nothing of this. I'm so ashamed-about my oppression of women and the duplicity.... Does anyone know how to break free from this? I don't need to be told how despicable I am. I know it already.
Yours sincerely,"Sam" '

(No! The actual pseudonym published is "Eric".)

Anyone giving advice on this which is published in next week's column will receive a box of Charbonnel et Walker champagne truffles.

jeannine   Link to this

"my pain coming again by breaking no wind nor having any stool. So to Mr. Holliard"
Gee,I've been away for a few days and have to catch up-have we already come to the Diary entry where during Mr. Holliards medical examination of Sam's rectum he discovers the missing bell????

MissAnn   Link to this

"My mayds being at this time in great dirt towards getting of all my house clean, and weary and having a great deal of work to do therein to-morrow and next day, were gone to bed before my wife and I, who also do lie in our room more like beasts than Christians..." - I thought this sentence was saying that the mayds were gone to bed early in Sam's room and that the mayds were laying like beasts rather than Christians - but it seems others see it a different way.

Well, hasn't Jeannine set the scene - can't wait for the missing bell to turn up.

I too have been away on holidays for the past week and have enjoyed catching up with the Diary and annotations. (Suggestion: don't have a walking holiday with a 15 year old boy - your legs and feet cannot keep up with him and you will be exhausted and actually wish you were back at work!)

Log in to post an annotation.

If you don't have an account, then register here.